Fat America Rejoices As MLB Ballparks Roll Out New Eats

Disclaimer: I have the palate of an 8 year old.  I think shrimp cocktail is exotic and only recently made the move from Morton’s salt to sea salt—and I can’t tell the difference anyway.

 

Last week the Detroit Tigers announced a new item in their culinary lineup, a weird twist on bacon and eggs. This new treat is bacon on a stick topped with deviled eggs and fried jalapenos and that was not even a typo. Some kitchen wizard far too seriously subscribes to the belief that you can’t go wrong if it has bacon.  Well, you can and this did.  The hot Detroit summer sun and eggs is just asking for trouble. I feel reasonably certain the Tigers may need anyone who purchases these eggs to sign a waiver saying they won’t sue as this concoction is a known cause of food poisoning.


The Minnesota Twins are also trying a new take on an old favorite. You may know it as the mother’s helper or the hangover helper or perhaps just the Bloody Mary. The Twins’ new Bloody Mary will reside at Hrbek’s Pub.  As the Bloody is the one alcoholic beverage that you can feel free to haphazardly toss food into, the Twins version includes a beef stick, two kinds of cheese, and an actual whole freaking piece of pepperoni pizza.  At $19 a pop, this drink might actually be a good deal as you get a little booze and something to eat all in one.

Chase Field will be the home of a dessert that I feel more than a little shame about how desperately I want one. The Churro Dog is 1100+ calories well spent when you consider the perfection of a warm churro just sitting gently inside a chocolate glazed donut. And if that wasn’t enough to make my dentist cringe, it is then topped with frozen yogurt for health (or because it worked better for the Churro Dog, I’m not about to ask any questions), caramel, and chocolate sauce.  

Never one to let the other Midwestern teams hog all the gluttonous food glory, the Milwaukee Brewers will be selling Inside the Park Nachos.  Inside the Park Nachos, or nachos on a stick as they’ve been affectionately dubbed, consist of beef and refried beans covered in Doritos. This mess is then deep fried and topped with sour cream and cheese.  ESPN quotes GM of Miller Park hospitality Jamie Hodgson as saying, “I think this is going to be a big seller because you can eat this in one hand and have a beer in the other.” Any food item that was created with my beer drinking hand specifically in mind is one I can’t pass up.

Ole Smoky Moonshine will find a home at the Great American Ballpark.  Three different moonshine cocktails (Mr. Redlegs Punch, Ballpark Berry Lemonade, and Apple Pie Slammer) will be available at stands throughout the ballpark. Added bonus: the fear of moonshine-fueled Reds fans is sure to quell the need to share my opinion of longtime-Red-now-Diamondback Bronson Arroyo.

Under the belief that fried foods did not sell as well as there was no central location, the Texas Rangers will be unveiling a fried food stand. This will be a nice addition with their brand new Just Bacon stand.  Featured items from the two include fried s’mOreos, chicken-fried corn on the cob, and bacon cotton candy. Is there truth to the old adage about too much of a good thing? Check out a Rangers home game this year and let us know if bacon has finally jumped the shark.